Making costumes is time consuming, and who has the patience for a glue gun when war is afoot? Don’t worry, with a little bit of work, last Halloween’s get-up can help you make a statement, and help you make up for the lack of attention you received as a child.

Witch – Wear the costume, Put a stuffed animal dog in a picnic basket, and drape a sign around your neck reading “Wicked Witch of Western Imperialism.”

Vampire – Run around saying “I want to suck your Oil!” If that’s too embarrassing, run around screaming lyrics to Cure songs.

Monster – Get a George W. Bush mask, or just write “George W. Bush” on yourself. If you’re a “cute” monster, like Barney, go as Tony Blair. Because he’s much cuter.

Little Bo Peep – Same as “Monster” only put “Tony Blair” and “The Guy Who Runs Spain” on the sheep.

Sexy Cat – If a black cat, carry a sign reading: “War Is Bad Luck,” If a tan cat, carry a sign reading: “Hey Bush, Quit Lion!” If a Jellico cat, wear a sign reading: “Peace: Now And Forever” and quickly abandon all dignity.

Robot – Lurch around, telling people you represent the “War Machine.” Put a Halliburton, Enron or Gap logo on yourself. Or just keep wearing your Gap-brand jeans.

The Village People – Rehearse for a few weeks, and perform the following song:

It’s Fun To Trust In the U.N.M.O.V.I.C
It’s Fun To Trust In the U.N.M.O.V.I.C
They’ll find everything from Anthrax to Al Samoud
We don’t need a war, So let's have some Greek food...

Harry Potter – Wear the costume with a sign that reads either “Make Magic, Not War”, “Lord Valdemort Is The Real Enemy” or “Let The Weapons Inspectors Find The Chamber Of Secrets, Not Muggle Missiles, And No, I Don't Get Out Much...”

Ape – Hundreds of 60s-era heavy-handed satire films end, in some way or another, with a big fight scene punctuated by a guy in an ape suit. The fight scene represents war. The ape represents the inhumanity and inherent primitive nature of those who go to war. Explain this to people.

Hippie – are you sure it’s a costume? Here’s an easy way to check: Is a “jam band” the thing that goes around the top of a bottle of preserves? If your answer is no, dude, you totally forgot to dress up for Halloween! You must have been so high!

Spongebob Squarepants – Make a sign that says “Yellow Alert” or “Even I can’t mop up this mess” or "Make Squidburgers, Not War" or  “No Seablood for Sea-oil.” God, do I have to think of everything?

Sally Jesse Raphael – Bring along a number of friends, giving each of them cameras to film to interviewing people for a segment entitled “Wars For Oil, and the people who hate them… get makeovers!” Give everyone you meet a makeover. Produce the show, and air it in syndication.

Skeleton – There is nothing you can do to make your skeleton costume into some kind of war protest costume.

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