So, enough already -- you all psyched to go out and protest? Great! Just remember – fight the good fight, keep your feet to the ground, and keep on reaching for the stars! But be careful, the stars may be errant surface-to-air missiles. 

Will there be a war? Only time will tell, but with your protests, be they street marches, virtual marches, Million Mom marches, sit-ins, teach-ins, Laugh-Ins, Funyuns, or what have you – you can make a difference. Provided you bring a few million friends with you.

And remember – the greatest form of political activism out there is voting – so do that. Just don’t vote for Nader again. Damn, that just screwed everything up.

Damn.

Oh, and don't forget to enter the "War Pool!" How else can something as horrible as war turn into an opportunity for free croutons? 

Finally, some fun facts about protesting you can use to impress your friends and loved-ones.

• Did you know that the first successful protest was Eve’s civil disobedience over Eden’s unjust apple prohibition? Other early protests were the Hebrew’s Million Jew March across the Red Sea, Brutus’ “Fight The New World Order” actions against Ceasar, and the Vietnam War, (which few people realize was Lyndon Johnson’s protest against hippies who kept showing up in Washington DC chanting “Give Us A Reason To Produce The Musical ‘Hair’” 
   

• Did you know that all the great changes in world politics came about through protests? From the revolutionary war to communism, from the rise of religion to the fall of empires – protests (and angry mobs) have led the charge. Fashion, too. Those tri-corner hats? Totally revolutionary.
   

• Protesting is so innately American that if anyone calls you anti-American for protesting, you can point out that the constitution is pretty explicit in allowing you to do so – to the point that *not* protesting when you are upset is arguably more anti-American. And after you’ve said all that, the person who challenged your patriotism will get all huffy, and talk about supporting our troops, and as he or she gets really distracted by it, you can steal their car.
   

• By the way, those wankers on FOXNews who complain about protesters by saying "I'm not calling anyone who protests a 'traitor,' but..." guess what idiot, you just did. That's so weak. I'm talking to you, Cavuto, Snow, Hume, O'Reilly...
   

• The least successful protest ever was this time I had to eat chicken croquettes, I was like 8 or something, and these things were nasty -- just chopped up chicken mush, breaded and fried or something. Not good. Anyway, as a protest, I picked up my croquette (it was the size of an egg) and threw it at my sister. It missed and hit the piano. I got in so much trouble. The second least successful protest ever was that one against NAFTA.
   

• Speaking of eggs, you know that rumor that you can stand an egg on its end during the equinox, but not other times of the year. Total lie. Well, sorta, I mean, you can stand 'em up any time of the year, but it's much, much easier during the equinoxes. I don't really understand why. Oh -- and you know that thing about how toilet flushing south of the equator will swirl the water a different direction than north of the equator? That's bunkum.
   

• Did you know that liberal AND conservatives both protest things? It’s true. But members of the Libertarian party do not protest, ever, due to the fact they were raised in caves, and as such have skittish demeanors and poor eyesight.

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