from the Chicago Tribune, February, 10, 1999

Impeachment spins tangled web of conspiracy theories

WASHINGTON -- Communist invasions. Mind-controlling 'Furbies'. CIA plots, feminist coups and the end of the world.

And you thought you knew all about the impeachment trial.

On the Internet, the Lewinsky scandal and subsequent impeachment of the president have provided fuel for conspiracy theories, from the outrageous to the ominous, making the publishing of home-based investigations as common as UFO sightings in Nevada.

``There's no one theory,'' says conspiracy buff Rayelan Allen of Aptos, Calif. ``It's a puzzle, and everyone has a piece. The Internet sites let us share them, fit together the pieces, and figure out what's really going on.''

In pursuit of ``what's really going on,'' would-be sleuths, X-File fans and those loosely tethered to reality seek answers -- or provide them -- on conspiracy-related web sites and Internet newsgroups.

Is Clinton a CIA pawn who has outlasted his usefulness? Reports on the online mailing lists ``Conspiracy Nation'' and ``Rumor Mill News'' describe Clinton as a long-time CIA operative, even a former spy during Oxford days.

Clinton, they assert, overshot his role in the New World Order -- the attempt to form a world-wide government ruled by a cabal of the rich and powerful -- and is being targeted for failing to step down after his first term. Another theory has warring CIA factions duking it out, with Clinton's presidency the battleground.

Chief Justice Rehnquist's striped robe has caused quite a conspiratorial stir, despite the benign explaination that that his stripes were inspired by Gilbert and Sullivan's ``Iolanthe.'' Some suspect they're a sign the Senate trial is actually a clandestine military court martial -- since the four stripes imply a Naval ranking of Captain -- trying Clinton for unstated crimes.

Past conspiracy theories have had Clinton quashing various military coups brought about by outrage at his supposed involvement in the Oklahoma City bombing, TWA flight 800, and other prominent disasters.

While Hillary Clinton has portrayed her husband as victim of a ``vast right-wing conspiracy,'' some internet conspiracy theorists contend that she may be attempting a coup d'etat herself.

The Conspiracy Nation newsletter claims she, as well as ``[Linda] Tripp, [Lucianne] Goldberg, and (Monica) Lewinsky all belong to a loosely-based Feminist Intelligence Network.'' The network, which supposedly includes Secretary of State Madeleine Albright and poet Maya Angelou, seeks to control the government. With Hillary supporting husband Bill and keeping his poll numbers up, he's now in debt to her and her agenda, the theory goes.

What if the entire Impeachment is all part of Clinton's master plan? A national distraction over an indiscretion could be all that's needed to sneak more power.

That's the basis for the ``Clinton/Y2K'' school of thought, in which the country is so shaken by the impeachment that a real or faked disaster, such as a year 2000-spawned shutdown of the nation's computer system, would allow Clinton to declare martial law and proclaim himself President for life.

``Can we afford to allow this potential tyrant, this megalomaniac, this demagogue to remain in power?'' asks Internet and talk radio host Joseph Farah. Another version has Clinton prolonging the investigation until the Y2K chaos sets in, and then escaping punishment in the anarchy that follows.

Even this Christmas' popular ``Furby'' phenomenon is suspect in postings in the ``alt.mind-control'' newsgroup.

Some claim the government programs TVs and computers to emit ``orgone" rays'' -- a mysterious, scientifically debunked mind control wave theorized by psychologist Wilhelm Reich. This theory states that through fluoride in water and toothpaste, American minds are being manipulated to see this scandal as only about sex and thus miss the real implications, involving everything from the CIA to the Incan extra-terrestrial religious sects who may still control the world.

To counter the ``orgone,'' recommended a newsgroup respondent, ``You should wear a helmet made of aluminum foil'' whenever watching TV, using a computer, or operating a Furby. The National Security Agency's recent banning of Furbies from its offices is seen as proof of their danger.

And Independent Prosecutor Kenneth Starr doesn't escape suspicion. Norman Olson, a commander in the Northern Michigan Regional Militia writes Starr may have been placed by the Government to ``create a diversion away from real criminal behavior'' that if made public might bring down others in the government, the CIA and unnamed other ``power brokers.'' After all, how could a four-year, $40 million investigation bring only a sex scandal to light?

What if Bill Clinton is a communist and the impeachment is a ``diversion'' to weaken the country before eventual invasion? So claims a website titled, simply enough, ``Conspiracy Theory.'' Clinton's support of China, his student trip to Moscow and the Justice Department's attempts to bring down Microsoft are considered evidence that the President is planning to trigger the Third World War that the US would ultimately lose.

Even the Bible, some say, offers clues. Proponents of ``The Bible Code, ''a theory that the Hebrew letters of the Bible can be manipulated to auger the future, have found numerous examples with inferences to the President's predicament.

The ``Here a Little, There a Little'' religious website provides graphical examples of Clinton's name (in Hebrew) as well as words like ``adulterer,'' ``impeach,'' and the month and year of the Impeachment hearings. According to the site, ``disgrace,'' ``scoundrel'' and even House Resolution 611, the impeachment resolution, are mentioned.

``Nostradamus Predicts Clinton Scandal,'' a South Carolina based website, claims the 16-century French astrologer Michael de Nostradamus prophesied the President's impeachment when he wrote, ``The great credit of gold and abundance of silver/Will cause honour to be blinded by lust/The offence of the adulterer will become known/Which will occur to his great dishonour.''

That's good enough for Nostradamus fans, though Clinton's hardly the only leader tripped up by indiscretions in last 400 years.

Which raises a final question: why are all the people asking why?

``The impeachment trial is weird, and it doesn't take much of a theorist to think there's another agenda,'' explains Jonathan Valen, co-author "The 70 Greatest Conspiracies of All Time.''

Television and movies, from the X-Files to Oliver Stone's JFK, combined with the freedoms of the Internet have made it more acceptable, even ``cool,'' to theorize, says Valen. ``Any college kid with an AOL account can immediately become a pundit,'' he says. ``It's easy, and let's face it -- it's a fun game that sometimes becomes the truth.''

Just remember to wear your aluminum foil helmet.

It's all the fault of the furbies...
(1998, Eric Lipton)